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What is dirt candy? Vegetables, of course. When you eat a vegetable you’re eating little more than dirt that’s been transformed by plenty of sunshine and rain into something that’s full of flavor: Dirt Candy. It’s also the name of my restaurant, which opened in October, 2008.

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On this day in 1867, Canada became a country, and one year later in 1868, Governor General Viscount Monck declared it Canada Day!

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Why is Canada awesome?

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As a national animal, beaver beats bald eagle.

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We’re multi culti without even trying.

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We’ve got so much land, even furries are welcome.

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We rarely go to war.

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We control the world’s maple syrup reserves.

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Tim Hortons is better than Dunkin Donuts.

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Our candy rocks.

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It’s home.

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As everyone gets all worked up over the Vancouver Olympics and one food writer after another weighs in on Vancouver restaurants and street food, I just want to represent for my hometown’s best street food: the veggie dogs of Toronto. Growing up in Toronto, you get used to seeing a cart on every corner grilling hot dogs, sausages and veggie dogs. A rack of condiments (olives, sauerkraut, bacon bits, banana peppers, corn relish) rings the cart like a hula skirt and they’ll grill you a hot dog, toast your bun and slap it down in front of you for a toonie (that’s a two dollar coin, Americans).

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Maybe I’m just extra-sensitive to anti-Canadian sentiment in New York after learning about Chuck Schumer’s dastardly plan to undermine the Canadian maple industry (Can’t he just let us have this one thing?) but I was shocked to learn that the United States does actually have a plan to conquer Canada. Gentle readers, meet War Plan Red.

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“First, a joint army-navy force is to capture port city of Halifax, thereby cutting the Canadians off from their British allies. The next objective is to seize Canadian Power Plants near Niagara Falls. Then, the plan is to invade along three fronts: from Vermont to take Montreal and Quebec, from North Dakota to grab the railroad center at Winnipeg, and from the Midwest to capture the strategic nickel mines of Ontario.”

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Senator Charles Schumer is taking on my people, vowing to unseat Quebec as the biggest maple syrup producer in the world with his Maple Tapping Access Program Act of 2009. He’s going to be socializing all the maple trees in NY State and tapping them in his first blow against my homeland. Parents, be warned! Chuck Schumer wants to check out your maple trees and if they meet his criteria he’s going to tap them. This is Not Suitable for Children. And he wants to build a state syrup bottling facility. It’s like the Cold War all over again, only delicious.

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Canada: we lick everybody!

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Did a Canadian hurt Chuck Schumer? Because he’s got it in for my country. From blaming Canada for the collapse of the Long Island potato industry, to making Canada build a big nasty truck inspection station on their side of the border up at the Peace Bridge, he’s out to stick it to America’s peaceful neighbors to the north. Coming hard on the heels of the New Yorker’s hit piece on poutine I’m starting to think a culture war is heating up. And when it comes, will you just stand by while Senator Schumer’s minions machine gun the amiable beaver, the noble moose and the friendly caribou of my country?

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We ride awesome motorcycles!

We pop wheelies! Are you SURE

you want to take us on?

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So I recently added a riff on Canada’s classic dessert, the Nanaimo Bar, to the menu. I put up a post about it and then, late last week, we got a phone call. Danielle, my daytime prep chef, answered.

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“Hello?”

“Hi, I’m calling from Nanaimo.”

Danielle: confused, not Canadian. Thinks, “Why is someone calling from our dessert?”

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“This is Nanaimo calling.”

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It was the Nanaimo Daily News (Nanaimo, British Columbia! Bathtub Racing Capital of the World! Home of the Nanaimo Bar!) and they wanted to talk Nanaimo Bars. So we did. And they ran a story about it (and, yes, it’s true what they say: in short order, the Nanaimo Bar has become our best-selling dessert). Then more Canadian papers picked up the story. Then more.

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Nanaimo means “excitement” in Canadian!

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So far, the fact that we’re selling a Nanaimo Bar for dessert and New Yorkers are loving it has been picked up by the Times Colonist, the Vancouver Sun and the Nanaimo Daily News. The story has gone out on the wire and appeared on Canada.com, GlobalTV.com, the Star Phoenix and more.

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The little bar that has caused so much fun!

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I’ve been described as an expatriate Canadian (something I’ve never thought of myself as, but it is accurate) and a “proud Canuck” and I’ve been in the Nanaimo Daily News talking about the Nanaimo Bar (very meta). I’ve never felt more Canadian in my life. Go Canada, go!

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The New York Times recently took a break from writing think pieces about Sarah Palin and pointing out that no one has money anymore to cover some actual news: Tim Hortons is coming to New York City. In Canada, Tim Hortons is like Dunkin’ Donuts, only good, or like Krispy Kreme, only successful. We Canadians gather in Tim Hortons at least once a week to worship their made-on-the-premises doughnuts, sandwiches and awesome coffee and now New Yorkers will get to taste the mighty flavor of Canada. This is the first major international relief effort undertaken by Canada to the United States and I can think of no better way to offer aid and comfort to distressed Americans than to let a thousand Tim Hortons bloom.

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I was baffled when I came to the US and discovered that no one here knew what Nanaimo Bars were. With a cookie base, a cream filling and a chocolate top, they are a constant presence at Canadian bake sales, birthday parties and in the baked goods sections of supermarkets. Intensely sweet – maybe even a little too sweet – they are to Canada what the brownie is to America (although the brownie is also to Canada what the brownie is to America, so Canada wins twice) and they come in a lot of different varieties: grasshopper nanaimo (mint), peanut butter nanaimo, any flavor you can imagine can be nanaimoed. They’re distinguished by their creamy middle layer and their hard, shiny chocolate top.

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