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Why Canada Rocks: Reason #5

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To celebrate this year’s Canada Day Week, five reasons why Canada rocks!

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Reason #5: our TV is awesome. Besides such classics as SCTV and The Kids in the Hall, and besides the fact that Saturday Night Live was basically a showcase for famous Canadians (Dan Aykroyd, Martin Short, Mike Myers) we’ve also got a ton of shows you’ve never seen that will Blow! Your! Mind!

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Big Top Talent!

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Even more Big Top Talent!
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Then there’s the inimitable Mr. Dressup.
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The Littlest Hobo!
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Today’s Special!
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Ready or Not! In this episode, Busy becomes a woman!
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The greatest TV show ever made: Degrassi High!
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Even our commercials are awesome!
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Why Canada Rocks: Reason #4

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To celebrate this year’s Canada Day Week, five reasons why Canada rocks!

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Reason #4: our junk food is better. I’ll match up Canadian junk food against any other junk food on earth. Just look at the salty, sweet, bad-for-you, amazingness that Canada has to offer its hungry citizens.

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Timbits!

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They’re not “doughnut holes” – they’re Timbits!

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Adventurous potato chips!

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Okay, no one wants to eat roast chicken chips, but the
fact that they exist is what’s important.

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Best chips ever!

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Better candy!

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Maple candy!

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Butter tarts!

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Why Canada Rocks: Reason #3

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To celebrate this year’s Canada Day Week, five reasons why Canada rocks!

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Because you can play our national anthem on nothing but Molson cans and bottles.

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And for the record:

Reason #1

Reason #2

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Why Canada Rocks: Reason #2

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To celebrate this year’s Canada Day Week, five reasons why Canada rocks!

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Reason #2: because when an artist painted a portrait of Prime Minister Stephen Harper, naked and being served a cup of Tim Horton’s coffee, it was placed in a traveling art exhibit about sex that was designed for teenagers. This is how we do birth control up North – we simply make nudity look very, very confusing.

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Yes, the Canadian government pays to mount exhibits about sex that are geared for kids 12 and up. Because we care!

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Why Canada Rocks: Reason #1

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To celebrate this year’s Canada Day Week, five reasons why Canada rocks!

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Reason #1: Because when Radio Canada International ends its 67-years of shortwave broadcasts (June 22, 2012, RIP) the host goes out Canada style: lots of gratitude, a tearful breakdown, and at the end he gets applause, a hug, and a puppy.

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Why does he get a hug and a puppy? Because that’s how Canadians roll!

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Happy Birthday, Canada!

On this day in 1867, Canada became a country, and one year later in 1868, Governor General Viscount Monck declared it Canada Day!

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canadaday

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Why is Canada awesome?

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beaverday

As a national animal, beaver beats bald eagle.

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Chihiro_Canada_Day

We’re multi culti without even trying.

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Beaver_day

We’ve got so much land, even furries are welcome.

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We rarely go to war.

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We control the world’s maple syrup reserves.

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Tim Hortons is better than Dunkin Donuts.

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Our candy rocks.

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toronto

It’s home.

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Dog Fight

As everyone gets all worked up over the Vancouver Olympics and one food writer after another weighs in on Vancouver restaurants and street food, I just want to represent for my hometown’s best street food: the veggie dogs of Toronto. Growing up in Toronto, you get used to seeing a cart on every corner grilling hot dogs, sausages and veggie dogs. A rack of condiments (olives, sauerkraut, bacon bits, banana peppers, corn relish) rings the cart like a hula skirt and they’ll grill you a hot dog, toast your bun and slap it down in front of you for a toonie (that’s a two dollar coin, Americans).

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dogcart

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Read the rest of this entry »


Canadian War!

Maybe I’m just extra-sensitive to anti-Canadian sentiment in New York after learning about Chuck Schumer’s dastardly plan to undermine the Canadian maple industry (Can’t he just let us have this one thing?) but I was shocked to learn that the United States does actually have a plan to conquer Canada. Gentle readers, meet War Plan Red.

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“First, a joint army-navy force is to capture port city of Halifax, thereby cutting the Canadians off from their British allies. The next objective is to seize Canadian Power Plants near Niagara Falls. Then, the plan is to invade along three fronts: from Vermont to take Montreal and Quebec, from North Dakota to grab the railroad center at Winnipeg, and from the Midwest to capture the strategic nickel mines of Ontario.”

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Read the rest of this entry »


Why does Chuck Schumer hate Canada?

Senator Charles Schumer is taking on my people, vowing to unseat Quebec as the biggest maple syrup producer in the world with his Maple Tapping Access Program Act of 2009. He’s going to be socializing all the maple trees in NY State and tapping them in his first blow against my homeland. Parents, be warned! Chuck Schumer wants to check out your maple trees and if they meet his criteria he’s going to tap them. This is Not Suitable for Children. And he wants to build a state syrup bottling facility. It’s like the Cold War all over again, only delicious.

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canada

Canada: we lick everybody!

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Did a Canadian hurt Chuck Schumer? Because he’s got it in for my country. From blaming Canada for the collapse of the Long Island potato industry, to making Canada build a big nasty truck inspection station on their side of the border up at the Peace Bridge, he’s out to stick it to America’s peaceful neighbors to the north. Coming hard on the heels of the New Yorker‘s hit piece on poutine I’m starting to think a culture war is heating up. And when it comes, will you just stand by while Senator Schumer’s minions machine gun the amiable beaver, the noble moose and the friendly caribou of my country?

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gocanada

We ride awesome motorcycles!

We pop wheelies! Are you SURE

you want to take us on?

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Oh, snap. It’s on!

The “Nanaimo Bars in New York Story” has grown, peaked and now sparked a backlash, all in a matter of days. Something Canadian comes to America and all the haters start appearing, spitting mad lies and disrespecting. Canadian paper, the Times Colonist, published a letter from Martin Barnett, a so-called chair of the  so-called professional baking and so-called pastry department at the so-called Vancouver Island University (located in Nanaimo) in which he writes of my Nanaimo Bars:

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…we must not be so hasty to celebrate this aberration of the classic recipe…We Nanaimoans must be vigilante and insist on true appellation for the delicacy (like Champagne or Parmesan cheese).

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gangstaaa

My crew does not approve.

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Then, the paper itself runs an editorial in which they acknowledge that while I have “street cred” this time I have “gone too far” and suggest that because there is mint and sweet pea ice cream in my Nanaimo Bar, and because it is served on a square, rather than a round, plate that I am guilty of various Nanaimo “heresies.”

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gangstaa

Too gangsta? It’s just how I roll.

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For those who don’t know, Canada is like the hip hop industry in that there is a long-running East Coast/West Coast rivalry. It has rarely resulted in outright violence, but this is ill! And not in a good way. Are these haters trying to reignite an East Coast/West Coast feud? Do they really want to push me? Because I swear, I will get in my Barbie Dream Car and drive up to Nanaimo and I will begin slapping fools in the way that fools do not like to be slapped.

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When I get to Nanaimo, I’m going to get epic

on that editorial board.

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menu


Menu

Snack

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Jalapeno Hush Puppies $6
served with maple butter
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Appetizers

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Mushroom $13
portobello mousse, truffled toast
pear & fennel compote

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Cucumber $12
roasted cucumber hot and sour soup,
black sesame, garlic chili oil, wood ear
mushroom, cucumber jelly

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Spinach $13
spinach & grapefruit mille-feuille,
with smoked pistachios and ricotta

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Potato $12
warm potato salad, crispy Japanese
yams, grilled sweet potato, olives,
bitter greens, apples

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Entrees

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Beets $20
salt-roasted beets, thai green curry,
beet gnocchi, whipped coconut galangal cream

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Pepper $18
fennel & pepper tofu,
parsley spaetzle, grilled
yellow pepper broth,
mustard crumbs

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Broccoli $21
smoked broccoli dogs,
broccoli kraut, salt &
vinegar broccoli rabe

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Corn $19
stone ground grits, corn cream,
pickled shiitakes, huitlacoche,
tempura poached egg

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- everything on the menu can be made vegan on request.

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Dessert

Rosemary Eggplant Tiramisu $12
grilled eggplant, rosemary cotton
candy, mascarpone

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Ice Cream Nanaimo Bar$11
sweet pea, mint, chocolate

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Popcorn Pudding$11
salted caramel corn

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Celery Cheesecake Roll $10
celeriac ice cream, peanut filling,

& candied grapes

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- vegan dessert selection changes regularly, please ask your server.

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Our wine list (and other beverages)

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Gift Certificates

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