Vicki Larrieux is 22 years old and she has a problem.

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“I have always had an irrational fear of vegetables, even as a child I used to properly freak out if some carrots or a few peas were on my plate,” says this Portsmouth student, speaking to The Telegraph in her strange British way.

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It’s called lachanophobia and it means that you have an irrational fear of vegetables. The mere sight of a brussel sprout makes you gibber and hide in terror. Lettuce is the leafy green flag of death. Carrots are orange stabbers ready to plunge themselves into your eyes. Eggplants are just waiting for you to turn the other way so that they can club you to death. Tomatoes think you’re fat and when you’re not looking they’re telling other tomatoes. Where some people see nothing worse than a piece of broccoli on their plate, an individual suffering from lachanophobia sees an alien lifeform plotting their destruction.

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There are many websites that cater to those who believe in the inherent moral turpitude of vegetables. And while some may scoff at this malady, can you doubt that these pictures reveal the true face of evil?

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“Aaah! Get it off! Get it off!”

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“Dear God in Heaven – what does it want from me?”

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Learn more about lachanophobia, which causes untold suffering to millions of otherwise nice people.

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And if you’re not scared yet, then gaze ye upon the face of vegetable sculpting gone wrong!

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