Senator Charles Schumer is taking on my people, vowing to unseat Quebec as the biggest maple syrup producer in the world with his Maple Tapping Access Program Act of 2009. He’s going to be socializing all the maple trees in NY State and tapping them in his first blow against my homeland. Parents, be warned! Chuck Schumer wants to check out your maple trees and if they meet his criteria he’s going to tap them. This is Not Suitable for Children. And he wants to build a state syrup bottling facility. It’s like the Cold War all over again, only delicious.

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Canada: we lick everybody!

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Did a Canadian hurt Chuck Schumer? Because he’s got it in for my country. From blaming Canada for the collapse of the Long Island potato industry, to making Canada build a big nasty truck inspection station on their side of the border up at the Peace Bridge, he’s out to stick it to America’s peaceful neighbors to the north. Coming hard on the heels of the New Yorker‘s hit piece on poutine I’m starting to think a culture war is heating up. And when it comes, will you just stand by while Senator Schumer’s minions machine gun the amiable beaver, the noble moose and the friendly caribou of my country?

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We ride awesome motorcycles!

We pop wheelies! Are you SURE

you want to take us on?

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