So the Time Out New York Reader’s Choice Awards happened last night and all I got was a free cocktail! Dirt Candy was nominated as “Best vegetarian friendly restaurant” which I didn’t expect to win since I’m not very friendly. But I want to be more friendly and I’m trying every day. The vegetable part I’ve got covered.

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There’s always the thought in the back of your mind that even though you’ve only been open for four months, and even though you haven’t been reviewed yet in Time Out New York, there’s the chance that you just…might…win. But then I used science and as you can see by the Venn diagram below, my chances of taking the framed plate home were slim at best.

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The awards were being given out in an informal ceremony at Le Poisson Rouge and I really didn’t want to go. It’s always hard to know the proper code of behavior: were awards cool or uncool these days? What if they were uncool and I was the only chef dorky enough to show up? And then I was just showing up to lose! Which sucks, because the whole room would be waiting to see if my name was called or not and then it wouldn’t be called and they’d all turn and stare at me and silently shake their heads and think, “Loser.” But my publicist, Philip, is always complaining that I never take him anywhere so I figured, “Okay, he’s worked really hard for me, he’s done a great job, he deserves a night out.” So off we went.

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We got there on time (uncool) and then had to wait until the venue opened so we went across the street to get liquored up at Kenny’s Castaways where Philip revealed that he had once played there in a band with Dr. Ruth Westheimer’s son. Being Canadian, I’m partial to Dr. Sue myself, but still, that’s pretty awesome. Eventually we went in a little late (very cool) and waited to be informed of our loss.

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A real piano player accompanied

the entire event!

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The first half of the show were the Time Out New York Eat Out Awards, which were pretty fast-paced, but then they came to the Reader’s Choice Awards and you could tell that a) this was a rowdier bunch of nominees, and b) the free booze was taking effect. The speeches suddenly became much longer (the prize going to the guy from 5 Napkins Burger who used his moment in the spotlight to its fullest) and the people in the corner behind us were giving big cheers. At first I thought they were from Brooklyn because they kept going nuts for the Brooklyn nominees, but then I realized they were going nuts for all the nominees. This is known as being “friendly” which, again, I’m not very good at.

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What a winner looks like.

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If I had any doubts about being the only person there they quickly evaporated. Danny Meyer, the King of Hospitality, was in the house and so was Pichet Ong. It was great to see Joe Doe win (ever since Metromix included us both in their “Worst Restaurant Names” list I’ve felt a bond), and to see Susur Lee win an award (Go Toronto!) as well as Abraço coffee. Then Blossom won for being vegetarian and friendly which was great since I consulted for them early on (in fact, I think a recipe or two of mine is still on their menu, which makes me feel good) and then we left. Philip went back to his family, and I went home to order Thai food and watch Intervention, which always serves as an important reminder: while I may be a loser, at least I’m not getting into fist fights with my mom over two bags of heroin. Although, as my mom would be the first to point out, there’s always time.

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