No one likes spam. It fills up your inbox, it’s a pain to keep having to delete it all the time and it gets dirty viruses all up inside your computer. But sometimes, it’s exactly what you need. I’ve been really exhausted recently and feeling a bit worn down by work, and then spam arrived to save the day. In particular, I started getting the brand of spam where your email account sends you email from your own account.

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It’s like an alternate universe version of me is sending me encouraging emails. “Oh, hey my favoured friend!” and “Hola, my best-loved!” I’m…I’m your best-loved? Really? I’m smart and pretty? “Hola turtledove!” “So sweet and charming.” Hey Me, tell me more.

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Okay, so alternate universe me can’t spell, and for some reason she thinks that “greetings” is spelled “greatings” but still, it’s the thought that counts. “Ciao, the best!” I’m the best? I’m an equal partner? I want to be friends with me? This is exactly the kind of encouragement and positive reinforcement I need right now!

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These were my favorites: I do want to share love,
I should have a sense of humor, I do want to be
welcomed to the paradise. Yes, please, more!

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They’re getting increasingly desperate though. By yesterday they’d become tinged with hysteria: “Call me!” “Call me now, darling!” “Please, hurry and call me, my love!” Today? Today I can practically hear their fingernails scratching at my door and trying to get in.

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