.

If you’re reading this blog then you’re concerned about two things: great food and the end of the world. As everyone knows, the ancient Mayans predicted that 2012 would be the year of the apocalypse and since I base almost all my life decisions on the wisdom of Mesoamerican cultures that dominated the world 2000 years ago, I’ve been worried. I’m not sure how the world will end — whether it’ll be a sudden explosion or a long, slow decline into anarchy and mutant biker gangs — but if it turns out to be “anarchy and mutant biker gangs”  there’s just one thing that’s been weighing on my mind.

.

Imagine this: the world has ended. You and a few survivors are huddled in the shattered foundations of your home. At night, roving gangs of angry cyborgs stalk you. During the day, you are on guard for Bearsharktopus attacks. And then, today, a doctor shows up. Some of your tribe are suffering from radiation poisoning and zombie bites and you thought you would have to hack off their infected limbs yourself, but with a medical professional on hand things don’t look quite so bleak. You’ll have help! You prepare canned spaghetti and meatballs that you dragged out of the smoking ruins of a Shop Rite store after killing a troop of feral Boy Scouts and you dish out a hubcap full to your new doctor friend. She licks her lips, swallows hard, and then looks up at you with accusing eyes. “I’m a vegetarian,” she says.

.

SO EMBARRASSING! Fortunately, Costco is there for you with 275 servings of vegetarian food in a 23 pound bucket. It’s called…Food Supply!

.

.

Here’s what they say: “Making a healthy meal has never been so easy or affordable. Just add boiling water, and in 25 minutes, a mouth-watering meal is ready to serve; priced under 35 cents…”

.

Wow! And what do customers say?

.

“Good deal for Emergency food! Hope I never get to eat them…”

“This is our second purchase of this product and we haven’t used up the first bucket yet.”

“It is a good feeling to know I have emergency food on hand that can be kept for 15 – 20 years.”

“This was a real bargain. Food is good, we eat it a few times a week. Should save it but it is quick and convenient.”

.

Sounds delicious! But what do you get for $99?

.

275 servings – 55 pouches per kit (5 servings each pouch)

• 25 Servings of Cheesy Broccoli & Rice
• 30 Servings of Vegetable Rice
• 35 Servings of Creamy Potato Soup
• 25 Servings of Italian Tomato Pasta
• 25 Servings of Tuscan Butter Pasta
• 35 Servings of Barley Vegetable Soup
• 50 Servings of Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal
• 50 Servings of Whey Milk

.

From the good people at Food for Health. Never be embarrassed by your culinary insensitivity in a post-apocalyptic situation again! For me, this is a huge relief. Thanks, Costco!

.