Holy cow. Holy. Fricking. Cow. That was intense. Last night the Village Voice Choice Eats 2009 event took place up at the 69th Armory on Lexington Avenue and we were invited to participate. We had a table, would give out food, there was free beer, and it sounded like a lot of fun. Little did we know…

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10AM - we had been told to prepare 500 servings of whatever food we were bringing, so we planned to make 650 servings of portobello mousse. We ordered eleven cases of portobello mushrooms and are fully staffed and ready to transform ourselves into a portobello-mousse-making machine.

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11AM - our delivery shows up. We are surprised to find that instead of eleven (11) cases of portobello mushrooms they have one (1) case. Call purveyor. They feel terrible and dispatch another truck with our remaining mushrooms.

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Noon - informed that truck is caught in traffic. Making crostini like a whirlwind.

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2pm - truck arrives with remaining ten (10) cases of portobellos. Time slows down, it’s like THE MATRIX when Keanu Reeves dodges those bullets, we’re making mousse so fast that to the untrained eye we are invisible. Jesus is making mousse. Antonio is making mousse. Danielle is making mousse. I am making mousse. We are becoming mousse. The mousse and we are as one. Are we making it or is it making us? Zen state of awareness achieved.

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4:30pm - leap into taxi with 650 portions of portobello mousse, vases, crostini, paper towels, all the things we need to be 100% for the event. Race to Armory.

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Jesus in the cab, hiding

behind flowers.

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4:50pm - set up. Doors open at 6:30pm. We can do this. The Kuma Inn table is nearby and I think about introducing myself to King Phojanakong (a personal hero), but there’s no time and it feels awkward. I settle for gazing upon his majesty from afar.

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6:20pm - ready. We can handle anything. Bring it on. Unleash the eaters!

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Danielle, daytime prep. Seen here in

the calm before the storm.

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6:30pm - the doors open. Suddenly: people. Everywhere.

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7:05pm - we have gone through 400 servings of portobello mousse. People are excited and very nice. But hungry. Fueled by free beer they lay waste to these tables like a horde of locusts.

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7:08pm - 200 servings left. I decide to halve them in order to make them last longer. The universe laughs at my futile gesture.

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The portobello mousse we served. Yes,

it’s a blurry photo taken on my phone.

Sorry.

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7:36pm - we are officially out of food. 450 full servings of mousse and 400 half servings, gone in one hour. Look around. A lot of other tables have run out. One restaurant is obviously an old pro at this and have played it safe, bringing around 200 portions and they’re already packing up to go home.

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7:45pm - walk around event in a bit of a daze. It’s fun and crowded but the people…maybe the people are still hungry? Are hungry people dangerous?

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8:05pm – getting nervous for my staff. Is it possible that the sold-out crowd, deprived of portobello mousse, might turn on them and begin to eat them soon? I make the executive decision to leave and we run for it. No one tries to taste us, but I get the feeling it’s only a matter of time.

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1AM – phone rings. It’s Kristen, our server. “I don’t remember what happened!” she says. She sounds shaken. “All I remember are the hands. They’re coming for the mousse. So many hands. So hungry. They want the mousse. The Hands! The Hands!!!” I sing her a lullaby that begins, “Stop calling me/With your nightmares/Or I will fire you tomorrow…” She settles down and falls asleep.

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And that was our adventure at the Village Voice Choice Eats event. Next year? We’re bringing 1000 servings.

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